Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Surreal Moments In Pro Wrestling

Pitched as an article for STUFF magazine in 2003. There's been a ton of new stuff since then:

* The debut of the Shockmaster
Booker Dusty Rhodes decides to rip off the Vader character (big fat guy in a menacing mask) and taps pal Fred Ottman (later WWF's Tugboat/Typhoon). Sting and Davey Boy Smith announce they're bringing in their big pal for a six-man match - the Shockmaster. On live TV, Ottman, blinded by the mask and flashpots, trips and stumbles - and the mask falls off.

* Ivory Wrestles in a Long Skirt
The WWF gives Ivory the gimmick of an old-style school marm (in an attempt to parody the right wingers who disapproved of Vince's T&A stuff) and she attempts to wrestle in a long skirt. During a PPV match against Lita, Ivory slips doing a highspot and lands a real kick to the side of Lita's head, drawing "hardway" blood. The audience is stunned to see a female wrestler bleeding during a match.

* The Gobbledy Gooker
Vince decided the way to draw in kids was to create a mascot who would come to the ring at each house card and dance with young children. Hey, if they ran a split crew, they could send two guys out in the suit. For a month, a giant egg was rolled to ringside before cards. On live PPV, it hatched - and Mean Gene Okerlund went in to dance with the creature, as Vince and Roddy Piper shilled that this was loads of fun. It laid such a giant egg that it hasn't been seen since.

* New Jack Punks Eric Kulas
At an ECW show on Staten Island, New Jack carves up the forehead of novice wrestler Eric Kulas, who wears a bus driver uniform for his gimmick as "Mass Transit." Ringside fans are sickened by the buckets of blood pouring from Kulas' head as he is taken to the hospital, and he later sues ECW. Apparently Kulas, then 17, who came to the show with his father, lied about his age and level of wrestling experience. The promotion felt confident about winning the suit until a videotape of the incident - and New Jack's brutal slashing - hits the Internet. The civil suit is eventually dismissed due to inconsistencies in Kulas' story, but the scar on his forehead remains.

* Drew Carey in Royal Rumble
Promoting his improv PPV the week after the Rumble, Carey appears on the Rumble PPV and is thrown into the match at #4. He stands around while Jeff and Matt Hardy wrestle. Kane enters and he attempts to buy him off. This kills enough time for Raven to come in and attack Kane, so Carey can jump out of the ring and eliminate himself.

Some other examples to consider:

* The Cat Crosses Nudity Line
(Stacy Carter, Jerry Lawler's girlfriend at the time, flashes her chest on live PPV)

* Hulk Hogan Burns Copy of Wrestling Observer Newsletter on PPV
(Pissed about his heel turn leaking out, Hogan trashes the "sheets" and throws copy into a fire

* Kerry Von Erich Announces Divorce in the ring, Asks girls for Phone Numbers
(Kerry's wife moves out, he tells female fans that he's available and looking for action)

* HHH Humps Katie Vick in the Casket
(From last year - HHH accuses Kane of killing his ex-girlfriend. They run a tasteless video of HHH in a Kane mask visiting a funeral home, climbing into a coffin, and simulating sex with a corpse)
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